Your Child Came Out. Here's What Matters Now.
Every second you spend "processing" is a second they're wondering if home is safe anymore.
Your child trusted you with something huge - their identity, their truth, their life. Every moment you hesitate, minimise, or doubt sends a message louder than words: "You're not fully safe here."
Stop making it about you. This isn't about your comfort, your beliefs, or how you're going to handle it. It's about your child's safety.
Rejecting, shaming, or minimising their identity is dangerous. Identity isn't a "phase" or something to "fix." Saying or implying otherwise destroys their sense of safety and trust in you.
Here's what matters.
What To Say First
Your first words set the tone for everything that follows. You don't need perfection. You need presence.
Say this:
- "Thank you for trusting me with this."
- "I love you, and nothing changes that."
- "I'm proud of you for being honest."
- "I want to understand. Can you tell me more?"
Don't say this:
- "It's just a phase."
- "Are you sure?"
- "I don't know how to handle this."
- Anything that questions or minimises their identity.
These first words matter. Get them right.
What Safety Actually Looks Like
Listen Put down the phone. Stop mid-sentence. Look them in the eye. Hear them. No interruptions, no rehearsed responses. Presence is everything.
Respect their identity Names, pronouns, choices - respect them. No compromises. Rejecting or doubting their identity signals danger. Affirmation signals safety.
Protect them Bullies, toxic adults, unsafe spaces exist. Set boundaries. Step in. Advocate. Safety isn't automatic. You create it.
Model what respect looks like Kids notice energy, tone, and intent. Model kindness and humanity. Don't be the adult who spreads doubt or fear. Be the safe one.
Connect them to community Help them find peers, mentors, or safe spaces who understand their experiences. Support networks are lifelines.
Check your reactions Micro-reactions matter. Shock, overexcitement, avoidance, minimising - they send messages instantly. Practice calm, consistent, validating responses.
Take care of yourself You can't show up fully if you're drained or in denial. Seek support or education so you're capable of protecting effectively.
Find the Balance
Creating safety isn't about overdoing it or stepping in at every little thing. Nor is it about ignoring or waiting for them to "figure it out."
Kids notice when adults are tense, performative, or overbearing. It feels just as unsafe as neglect.
Safety comes from steady, consistent presence: listening without interrupting, affirming without over-explaining, protecting without controlling.
It's about being reliably there, not performing "perfect parenting."
The Reality
Your child isn't waiting for your comfort. They're waiting to be seen, heard, and protected.
Every hesitation, rejection, or minimisation chips away at their trust and their sense of safety.
Show up now. Step in. Speak up. Protect.
Create a space where your child can be themselves without fear, shame, or doubt.
That's safety. That's love in action.
Need Support?
At bobu, we support parents and caregivers in creating spaces where LGBTQ+ children feel safe, seen, and respected.
hello@lovebobu.com
